Here is a picture of Wendy Waters, a Rescue Hero toy I got myself because I grew fond of her when visiting my cute little 4 year old nephew. ;-)

I'm in a bad mood today. I woke up with a headache, ug. I just plain feel out of sorts. At least Aunt Flo is only here for a little bit longer. She is not nearly as annoying at the finish of her visits than at the start.

I think I have hit another wall in therapy and that is what is getting me down. I have this hopeless feeling that I am never going to have a significant other or learn how to just be really intimate with someone. I feel so much resistance to my therapist's suggestions lately. Something is bugging me and I think I'm afraid to look it in the face. Sigh. I'm hoping the GLS hike and GLS leader party will perk me up a bit tomorrow.

Linda and I have changed plans and decided not to go to Colorado but to go to the Trinity Alps. Linda decided not to take the industrial hygiene profressional test in Denver and that was really the motivating factor for going to Colorado. She didn't want to drive to Colorado and didn't want to pay for an airplane ticket when we would only be staying a couple days. So I suggested the Trinity Alps in Northern California. Linda liked that suggestion. We can drive there and not have to pay air fare. I thought about backpacking but suggested camping and day hiking instead. We can explore around the Trinity Alps and plan a future backpack trip.

I saw the Moon eclipse last night. I tried to take a picture of it but the digital camera just wasn't powerful enough and my view of it was right above all these field flood lights so the lighting was abismal. The picture looked like just a blob of light not the cool red colored moon it was. I could see it while lying on my couch so I was watching the TV and admiring the eclipse alternately.

My Seattle friends A. and E. were in town Wednesday and we went out to dinner at Frankie Johnnie and Luigi's. Its an Italian restaurant. A. and E. liked it. I had been there before and I have always liked it. I had a nice dish of Lasagne. A. and E. had calzones. They were huge so we ended up taking the left overs to my home and so I got a free dinner for last night. It was a veggie calzone and was quite good. I was a bit worried it had mushrooms in it but I think it was eggplant not mushroom. It didn't have that rubbery consistency mushrooms have that make me dislike them. We had a nice talk at dinner and caught up with our respective news. I was pleased to hear that A.'s cancer treatments seem to be working. She had radiation therapy and that seemed to really help. She looked fine and seemed happy that she was feeling well again. The cancer had been giving her back pain and that was pretty much all gone after the radiation. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she continues to get better. I talked about all my hiking and about my latests bouts of therapy and taking anti-depressants. It was a nice cozy visit. They headed back to Seattle yesterday and said it was about time for me to come north and visit them. Maybe I will but not any time soon. My summer is rapidly filling up with outdoor trips. I need some weekends to just hang out at home!

Its graduation time. I have been invited to two graduation celebrations: W's and my niece's, SK. I won't be attending my nieces graduation from Swarthmore in Pennyslvania. Its just too far away. I will give her a graduation present though. SK's official graduation day is June 1. I will be going to W's celebration.

My eyes have been dry and itchy the past several days. I would hazard a guess that is it a mild allergic reaction to all the new green stuff growing around because of all the rain. I might bring some eye drops to work tomorrow.

Last week my therapist, C., told me she has been treating me for avoidant personaility disorder. I went web surfing to check out APD. Here is the official DSM description.

A pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy & hypersensitivity to negative evaluation, beginning by early adulthood & present ín a variety of contexts, as indicated by 4 (or more) of the following:

1. avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact because of fears of criticism, disapproval or rejection
   
2. ís unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
   
3. shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed
   
4. ís preoccupied with being criticized or rejected ín social situations
   
5. ís inhibited ín new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
   
6. views self as socially inept, personally unappealing or inferior to others
   
7. ís unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage ín any new activities because they may prove embarrassing
   

Well I must say that over my life time all of these have been true at various times but not all of them at the same time. And C.'s treatment has been working on me. So maybe I do or did have APD.

Yay. Mom got her computer set up in Canada. So I can send my Mom's day letter via email and it will get there in time!

I found out yesterday (after spending a half hour signing soooo many papers for the loan) that my townhouse was appraised at $328,000. Holy Cow! I bought it for $212,500. Its location scored me some big points. Its near a major freeway. Its near downtown Mountain View. Its near shopping. The home owners association board members would be pleased to hear that the appraiser felt the common grounds were well taken care of. He also measured the square feet of my abode. I knew it was somewhere less than 1000 square feet. He measured it as being 972 square feet.

My loan is due to close next Wednesday. My first payment will be in July. June's was covered in the initial loan set up and charges. As soon as I know what company has my loan I'll arrange for my mortgage to be withdrawn automatically from my bank account.

I'm leading a hike tomorrow for OAW to Sunol. I'm experimenting with a new car pool meeting location. Its the Moffett Park Light Rail station park-n-ride. Yesterday afternoon I drove over to find it and look at it. Its a nice place to meet except for the fact that the directions are a little tricky. We'll see how people do tomorrow in finding it. It is really convenient for me and for the particular park we are car pooling to this week. Its just down 101 about 7.5 miles from my town house.

Anatomy of Cathy's May 8th Aries horoscope

Though your mind may have felt a bit clouded over the past few days, today the fog might clear, and you might be feeling more focused.
This one doesn't really ring true. I'm not really feeling more focused.

Money matters might need to be handled, dear Aries, and you're in just the right space to dig in and take care of them.
This one is eerily smack on today. How did they know that today I sign my loan papers. Te. He. And that I got my cost of living raise today too!

Once practical matters are settled, however, this is a great day for spiritual studies or meditation.
Seems to me every day is a great day for spiritual studies or meditation. I don't plan on doing any spritual studies or meditation after I sign my loan papers.

Creative projects can also benefit from your increased concentration
Hmmm. Perhaps tonight is the time to write my Mom's day letter (it won't get there in time, but she'll still enjoy it).

Funny List that e-friend Vicki. sent me
How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.


2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.


3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.


4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"


5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.


6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".


7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."


8. Dont use any punctuation marks


9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.


10. Ask people what they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.


11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".


12. Sing along at the opera.


13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.


14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.


15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.


16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.


17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"


18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"


19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.......

20. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this

Ah ... that helps! I just took a nice long sniff of the coffee in my coffee jar. The icky smell is also fading away finally.

Yuk. Someone brought in a dish whose smell I find vile. It smells like a dish with way too much soya sauce. It almost makes me gag. Bleck!! This is the second time whoever it is has brought it to the our little cube pod. I'm doing my best to breath through my mouth so I don't have to smell it. Send good smells my way: roasting coffee, cooking brownies, etc. Oh geez ... please eat it fast whoever you are!!

Linda and I went on a nice hike yesterday. We hiked a 6 mile route at Sierra Azul Open Space Preserve. The hike started at the base of the Santa Cruz mountain range (or maybe I should say the foothills). It followed a fire road and the entire hike was all uphill. It was very green all over because of all the rain we have had recently. There were many sticky monkey flowers and lots of healthy poison oak growing next to the road. It was a very drizzly misty day for the hike. We got sprinkled on several times but no heavy rain. It was very cool to see the clouds wandering in among the moutain tops and across the Silicon Valley. We saw a few patches of blue sky but they flew by quickly. We had one section of mud to skirt our way around. This fire road as very popular with mountain bikers. The muddy section was made worse by all the bikes making their way through the mud. We were amused with a group of bikers who got off their bikes and pushed them around the mud. We were inclined to think that part of mountain biking is getting muddy and the challenge of riding through the mud. We over heard them saying that they wanted to stay clean as they were heading to a coffee shop (Peets) after the ride. I guess that excuse will do.

Saturday was a very stormy rainy day around most of the bay area, but my little corner of the world in Mtn. View didn't get much rain. I spent a couple of hours outside weeding my garden and got rained on once just a little bit -- not enough to get me very wet. I went out on some errands and did not get rained on. However there were very impressive dark clouds over the mountains and down towards San Francisco. The rain clouds seemed to have skirted around Mtn. View all day long but down poured on other places. Linda told me it poured in San Jose. And the report from Wen was it was very rainy and windy in Santa Cruz. On the news they had pictures of funnel clouds in the sky seen from the East Bay.

I spent most of Saturday doing chores. I got out my home repair handbook to figure out how to repair the leak in my pop up stopper mechanism on the sink in my half bath. The book advised to put in a new washer and gasket. So off I went to the hardware store and I bought a washer and a gasket. I got home and popped the new stuff on and hurray, no more leaky sink! I spent a couple hours weeding my garden that afternoon. And finally I drove to the grocery store to get some milk and pick up a pizza I ordered from Round Table. I spent the rest of the day sleeping (I slept till 11ish) and watching TV. It was a very relaxing day.

Purring contentedly because I finally finshed off the icky Kona coffee yesterday and have my favorite Espresso Roast coffee back this morning!

Passing along the buck ... from Cynthia's live journal -->

Gay Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sending healing vibes Cynthia's way and sending genius vibes to Dr. Wen. Degree or no degree, you will be Dr. Wen to me from now on!!!

Alas no Poppy Reserve or camping this weekend. Linda and I decided to bag it because we didn't want to camp in the rain and wind. Rain is predicted for the area on Saturday and wind on Sunday. Instead we are going to go on an 8 mile hike on Sunday if its nice out. I suggested going to Sierra Azul Open Space Preserve. I have never been there before and the description in my South Bay Trails book sounds good. I might subject Linda to geocaching on the hike!

I'm wishy washy about the Garapatta hike on Saturday that Tina and Celeste are leading. I loved the hike when I did it with Wen and Tina leading, but it does mean getting up early on Saturday and a long drive. I'll check the weather report Friday night and then decide. If it looks rainy I'll probably sleep in. Or if I feel particularly exhausted tomorrow night I'll sleep in!! Its good to not be the leader and be able to decide whether to hike or not at the last minute.

I got my best tent camping in Northern California book this week. I poured over it the other night and ended up staying up too late. There are lots of enticing sites listed that I would like to visit. Grover Hot Springs State Park in particular caught my attention. It sounded like there was decent hiking nearby and of course the hot springs are nearby. It would be nice to take a long day hike and then go soak at the hot springs. It is a very child friendly camp ground according to the book (and hot springs) but I could deal with kids being around. The hot springs require a bathing suit. I would have to drag mine from the depths of my exercise cloths drawer.

I managed to do some lifting at the fitness center on Tuesday and today of this week. I did the crunch machine and had sore ab muscles on Wednesday. They will probably be a little sore tomorrow too since I did the crunch machine again this morning. I also have been stretching my lower legs well to help prevent achilles tendonitis and doing weight lifting that will make my calf muscles stronger. Pretty soon I'll start walking to work on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays again.

Oooo ... I like this Arie's horoscope for today:

Life is an adventure; at least, that's the attitude you're likely to take today, Cathy. Flush with past successes and basking in the affection of your friends, you're feeling especially confident and enthusiastic, and likely to consider, if not totally adopt, any possible option for your future - even if it involves taking off to an exotic land! More likely, however, it'll involve learning, and meeting new people who share your interests. Enjoy!

Found some cool web sites while surfing today:

• Elder Wisdom Circle


• Volunteer Match


• Webby Awards

I am beginning to wonder if I will ever find a bookcrossing book. I hurried over to the Safeway on Shoreline to see if the book dropped there the day before yesterday was still there. It wasn't. I have wandered over to downtown to check a phone booth and had no luck. One was dropped at the Mtn. View library the day before yesterday but its a romance novel and I'm not interested in reading romance. Some day I'm going to find a book! In the meantime, I'll keep releasing the occassional book to the wild.

iVillage gave me a $15.00 Amazon.com gift certificate as thanks for my volunteer work and because I showed up at the community leader chat. Cool huh? I ordered the book "Best in Tent Camping: Northern California: A Guide for Car Campers Who Hate Rvs, Concrete Slabs, and Loud Portable Stereos." What a good idea for a book! I can't wait till it arrives so I can check out what campsites they recommend.

OK ... now it really is Friday and I am not having problems thinking it is Saturday. If it were Saturday I would be at Point Lobos right now not in my cube.

I finished cleaning the refrigerator (empty the drain pan and mop up the water and wash the outside a little bit), let it dry out, plugged it in, and then shoved it back in its cubbyhole yesterday. When I opened it this morning to check it out it was looking good. No frost was building up in the freezer like before and in general it felt colder inside than before. We'll see how it is doing when I get home after work. I also managed to fix my broken space heater yesterday. All I did was unscrew the front cover, look around inside for anything unusual, didn't find anything unusual, put the front cover back on, plugged it in and voila it worked. Go figure.

At 11:30 a.m. Monday, the house appraiser comes over to appraise my house. It was very nice of him to pick my lunch hour. I'll just drive home at lunch to let him in and hang out till he is done. A new appraisal is needed for refinancing my mortgage. I'm looking forward to finding out how much my little townhouse is worth.

I think the fates decided that this year was my year to always have something broken: my car, my dryer, or my achilles tendon to be specific. Now my refrigerator is malfunctioning. It stopped defrosting itself and this messed up the temperature sensing so it was too warm and my milk kept spoiling in about 2 days. I had a neighbor about 3 doors down help me haul the refrigerator out of its kitchen cubbyhole on Tuesday. Yesterday I cleaned most of the fridge and left the doors open over night to let it dry out. Tonight I'll finish up the cleaning, plug it in, and shove it back in its cubbyhole. I'm hoping that being clean and dry it will start functioning properly again (no big blobs of ice over the temperature sensors). If it doesn't I'll call a refrigerator repair person. I bought myself a small refrigerator to use in the meantime from Office Depot. I got it at Office Depot because its the closest store to me that sells little fridges!

My tendon is slowly healing. I led a 4 mile flat walk for OAW last night and it felt fine all during the walk: not one little twinge of pain. However when I got up this morning it was ever so slightly stiff and painful. Now it feels fine again. I plan on going to the GLS hike at Point Lobos on Saturday. Its a pretty mellow hike and won't damage my tendon. I'm going to drive right to the park and meet the Santa Cruz bunch there. I don't feel like car pooling with anyone. I want the freedom to hang out in Santa Cruz after the hike and visit with Wen and Ki If they are free.

I keep thinking today is Friday. I'm not sure why.

Linda invited me to go exploring at the Antelope Valley California Poppy Reserve the first weekend of May. Its hit or miss whether the Poppies will be good that weekend. Its south of Bakersfield. I'm not sure where Linda plans on staying. We were discussing camping somewhere but have not made any reservations. I'll have to nudge Linda this weekend about it. We'll also explore the territory around the Reserve. If it turns out to be a dud we can always head back early. Maybe we'll sneak over to Kings Canyon if its a disappointment.

I have my car back and I'm $400.00 poorer, but the car is running great. It is so nice to be able to drive normally again. They were not able to figure out exactly why my oil went low but they did note that the oil was really dirty and told me to check my oil every 400 miles or so and be sure to change the oil every 3000 miles. They changed the oil for me so I do have clean oil now. I just want my car to last another year or two and then I'll get a new car.

I heard a fun acronym at work today: CAVE = Citizens Against Virtually Everything.

I wore my shoes with my normal socks today and my tendon hurts a bit when I walk. I have decided that I need to cancel the hike on Saturday or find a replacement for myself. I don't want to really wreck my tendon by subjecting it to fourteen miles of hiking. Sigh. I hate having to cancel hikes I lead. Oh well "Discretion is the better part of valour."

Once I get the hike logistics (cancel or replace) taken care of I'll probably take Linda up on her offer to go to this little park I read about on the internet:

"Welcome to Chitactac-Adams Heritage County Park. This beautiful and culturally significant four acre park site is located just minutes from the cities of Gilroy and Morgan Hill. The park features the beautiful Uvas Creek and a wealth of cultural artifacts including bedrock mortars and petroglyphs left by the Ohlone Indians. The park includes a self-guided interpretive walk and an interpretive shelter focusing on Ohlone Indian culture and the Adams schoolhouse which was sited on this property from the 1850s until 1956."

Its not very big so we will hardly hike at all and it sounds sort of interesting. If I can't do my Hollow Tree hike at least I can pal around with Linda and be outdoors.

My female Mormon name: Apathy Norberta, male Morman name: Cashley Calbert
What's yours?

Just call me Apathy for short: I don't care. What a weird first name. I think I like Cashley better.

I finally solved my geometry modeling problem at work! Woo Hoo. Now I can get on to the more meaty stuff I'm supposed to be working on. This problem has been plaguing me for weeks. Its so good to finally solve it.

My car is in the repair shop today. I keep stalling the car in the mornings when the engine is cold. I stop at a traffic light and the engine is idling away OK. But then I put on the gas like I always have and it stalls on me. Nothing quite like having your car stall on you right when a light turns green and everyone behind you wants to go. I was working around this problem by revving the engine while I sat at a traffic light and then really gunning it to start. I also checked the oil in my car recently and, gulp, the oil scale on my dip stick went from full to half full in the last 3 months. So I'm losing oil somehow. I splurged and decided to rent a car while my car is in the shop. I got a little Toyota Echo economy car from Enterprise. They tried so hard to get me to upgrade from economy to compact and of course tried to get me to sign up for all that insurance (I'm fairly certain I'm covered by my own auto insurance). I also found out I got a cheaper rate because I used the internet to make the reservation. I'm paying roughly $30.00 a day for the car and I rented it for three days.

My tendon is slowly getting better. It hardly hurts at all when I walk now. It still is tender to the touch so if my shoe rubs on the tender spot it hurts. I have been wearing just my thin liner socks all week as that gives me room in my shoes to avoid bumping my tendon. It also give more room for the heel lift. I'll decide on Thursday if I am up for doing the Big Basin hike on Saturday. That will give me a day to decide what to do about the hike if I decide I can't lead it: cancel it or find a replacement for myself who has a good sense of direction.

I called my younger brother this weekend to ask if he would be the executor of my will and the person who makes medical decisions for me if I am unable to make the decisions myself. He said "yes" to both and then he said "but you know, you are not permitted to die." That made me smile. I said the same rule applies to him also! I now need to sit down and start gathering the information needed for writing the will. I'll probably get a rough draft written and then go to a lawyer to help me have both documents drawn up. Not to worry folks, I'm not planning to die any time soon! I just wanted to get my will done to make things easier for folks if I do happen to die young for some freaky reason.

I think I have recovered from the time change today. It wasn't nearly so hard to get up this morning as it was yesterday.

Hey ... I'm a qbabe! Check it out --> [OK so Wen already knows all about it ... waving to Wen]

Skating in San Jose

At the Stanford vs UCLA basketball game

I have been reading this iVillage board called "Fit Over Forty" but I might stop reading it. There are some pro-war women on that list and it makes me squirm to hear them go on about not watching some celebrity because they are a half wit for being against the war. I posted my opinion but I seem to be the only peace proponent on the board willing to speak up at this point. It hasn't gotten into personal attacking yet but it just makes me uncomfortable to be around folks who are pro-war. I'm also tiring of it being such a straight environment. And thirdly, I just feel like they are more "looks" centered than "fitness" centered. So I may just post that I'm not going to read the board much anymore and if anyone misses me to come say hello on the Extreme Sports board or the Lesbian Issues board!

I had a blast on my Ohlone Wilderness backpack trip despite the fact that I had an extremely sore left Achilles tendon on day two. It is still sore today so it is going to be a week of resting to give it time to heal.

There were four of us on the trip: J., D., R., and I. We met at 9 a.m. at the Del Valle park trail head. We left two cars there and jumped in the other two cars and drove to Sunol. We were on the Ohlone trail leaving from Sunol park by 10 a.m. We had a steep but beautiful ascent for most of the day. The hills of Sunol were still very green from the rainy winter season. The wild flowers were out in force. The weather was awesome: a blue sky, a cool breeze, and a warm sun. We took lots of breaks to admire the views and the wild flowers and rest. We stopped for lunch at the Sunol backpack area. We had another nice stop with a view of Goat rock. R. was having problems with a sore leg and we had to take a break to rest her up about 5 minutes from camp. She was very glad to see camp. Her sore leg was annoying but it didn’t dampen her spirits. She loved everything about the trip except her sore leg. We hiked into our campsite at Maggie’s Half Acre around 5 p.m. in time to set up camp and hike up to the top of Rose Peak to catch the sunset. My sore tendon kicked in on the hike to Rose Peak, but the sunset was great. We hiked back to camp and had dinner as the light faded and the stars started to come out. The stars were beautiful. I collapsed in my tent by 8:30 p.m. and was asleep by 9 p.m. I slept fairly well.

We were all up by 6:30 a.m. We had a nice quiet peaceful breakfast and got packed up and were on our way by 7:30 a.m. We hiked down to a valley first thing and then had to hike clear back up to another ridge top. At the top was a marvelous log to sit on for a rest break. D. gave out chocolate at that stop! Day two was fun if a bit painful for three of us. I was working hard to keep from stressing my left Achilles tendon as much as I could. R. was busy trying to not stress her leg. D. had chronic knee tendonitis to deal with on the down hills. J. was the only fully healthy one among us and he was the oldest! It was sort of nice to have others to share your complaints with though. We hiked along the ridge top for a bit and soon reached Murietta Falls at 10 a.m. We had a nice two hour break at the falls. We admired the view from the bottom for about 40 minutes and then moved up to the top and had a nice early lunch sitting next to the creek near the top of the falls. I soaked my left tendon in the nice cold creek water. We had some naps in the warm sun after lunch and around noon continued our trek to Del Valle. We had steep hill to trudge up after lunch, then a long descent to a creek, followed by another trudge up to another ridge top. Then we had the long long descent down to Del Valle. It’s a killer down hill hike of about 2000 feet over 3 miles. We were all glad to reach the bottom of that hill and shed our packs into the cars and drive back to Sunol to get the other cars we left there. It was a wonderful trip despite the aches and pains!

Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/user/cdrdash, Ohlone Wilderness album.

Over heard this just now in the building kitchen. Two folks were talking about attending meetings and one of them said in a sarcastic voice "you don't want to go listen to the cortical pathology of other people?" Folks at NASA have an interesting way of expressing themselves.

I decided to put off taking my car in to Mtn. View Foreign Car until after the Ohlone backpack trip. I need a car to help with the backpack shuttles this weekend and I think my car will hold up OK. Its just annoying to drive but it does work. It will spend most of its weekend parked where our hike ends.

Tonight I'll get out my equipment and start packing for the Ohlone trip. It shouldn't be too complicated since its just an overnighter.